Pattern Recognition (2020 in progress)
I was driving home from a job as rumors of lockdown swirled. Work dried up and then NYC went into lockdown-lite. It terrified me. Like so many, I spent months navigating the unemployment system and had fears about going to the store or even get the mail because “what if I catch it and then can’t help my family?” The stress dreams, the weight loss, the feelings of guilt and regret knowing that I’m “okay” and others are dying took their toll on me.
At the beginning of the lockdown, I began documenting insignificant moments, all these trivial things playing out around me—the scallions growing in the window, a vase of flowers rotting in the sunlight. The narrative, even the aesthetic, remains undefined as I study the routine moments floating by. A project that grew out of panic and anxiety, I call it Pattern Recognition: part name, and part intention.
I recognize myself as a documentary artist, but that title might not make sense anymore; I’m often compelled to make images without forethought or goal. It leaves me holding tons of images scattered across the visual spectrum. Sometimes it’s overwhelming.
I keep looking at these images, trying to find the thread that ties them together. When lockdown started, I took these images because I needed a thing I could control, attempt to understand. The big question for me is: if what we create is an attempt to manifest outside of ourselves what exists inside of us, then I have to ask what exists inside me?